I have found myself utterly broken.
It has been almost 3 months since I left my home in Lesotho, and I have had a really rough time being home in Michigan.
I don't know how to adequately describe it, but I just feel so incredibly empty.
My soul is dry and weary, I feel burdened and tired, and my spirit struggles to find peace.
I feel dashed upon the rocks and completely helpless.
Though this past month has been better than the first two, I haven't really been myself.
Tonight my parents and I had a time for prayer with a few members of our church. And friends... It was so good. We came to ask for prayer to sell our house (a HUGE obstacle that will take nothing short of a miracle) but I really felt like it was time to just be honest and vulnerable and say that I am at probably the lowest point of my life right now. And I wept. I don't think I have blubbered like that since 4th grade. Through the tears and snot, there was an overwhelming sense of love. I feel like I was finally able to just break down all that I have been trying to hold in, and the people around me so gently caught all the pieces and just held me together with the sweet love of my Lord. The baggage and burden and grief I have been carrying spilled out with tremendous force and I was able to leave it there. I know this is only the very very beginning of healing, but it came at just the right time. God surrounded our family when we were at such desperate places. Though we were wrestling with different things (the discouragement and burden of the house and the burden of whatever this is I'm feeling) we were given such grace, such encouragement. We all left tonight feeling beautiful hope. The emotional anxieties over the house and over processing so much change was shared with people who have God's heart. It was so rich, so necessary.
This isn't the end, however. Though we feel great encouragement and hope, we are still in need of desperate prayer. We feel very strongly about being at Beautiful Gate by the end of the year, and believe me when I tell you that it is almost humanly impossible for our house to sell by then. I ask too for deep prayer for myself. I am at a place where I truly cannot do it on my own and need others lifting me up.
So friends, please pray with and for us. Pray that God would move mountains so that our house can sell. Pray that our hearts would be protected from anxiety, fear, distraction. And I pray too for healing from this deep brokenness. We covet your support. This is absolutely impossible without our Lord and His people. We wait with great expectation to see Him move, for we know He will.
Hallelujah, praise the Lord right where we are. Amen.
