2014 was a whirlwind.
This time last year, I was packing up, doing coffee dates left and right, and so full of excitement.
This year, we are cleaning out the house, still doing coffee dates, and full of 101 emotions.
Much has happened, and much will happen, I suspect.
In a month, my parents and I fly out to Lesotho for this new adventure. Last time I had a fairly good idea of what it would be like. This time, just about everything feels like an unknown. My heart is open to whatever God has prepared, whether that be with the kids full time again, or branching out and doing more "evangelistic" ministry. My parents are committed to two years, and I'm there until God tells me otherwise. This could mean 2 years, 10 years, or just 1!
The Lord has stripped me of a lot, and this fall has been a huge time of growth and questions and rediscovery. I can only hope that I am being molded more in His likeness as He shatters my earthly plans and paves the way before me. It would be a lie to say I'm not scared. Giving God full reign means letting go of all plans of my own, all desires of my own. And though I know full well that it will be beautiful and good, I know too that good doesn't mean easy.
So I look towards this new year with a lot of questions and very few answers, many fears and many things to look forward to. I'm SO excited to see my kids and my "mommies", to reconnect with friends there and just be back in that beautiful country. I know God has marvelous plans and I'm pumped to see what they are. But I would love your prayers as life is changing rapidly and my heart is having a hard time keeping up.
Friends, if I have learn anything in 2014, it's that God is faithful, sovereign, and so very kind.
In 365 days, I have gone from trusting Him with everything, saying goodbye to hopes and dreams, mourning over the world's brokenness with Him, doubting His goodness altogether, feeling a million miles away, being convicted of my sin, and receiving His impossible grace that brings restoration. And through it all, He has never raised His voice at me, never showed anger. Instead He has shown me all the times He has been present in my life before, reminded me of His divine plan, and has gently cradled me in His arms. As I sat in the dust, ready to give up, He didn't shame me for sitting down but whispered lovingly, "I know. I have not called you to an easy path. I see your brokenness and love you still. So for now, I will carry you, and in a little while I will set you down and we will walk together once more." Unendingly kind. The healer of my soul. Praise Him for His goodness.
I face 2015 as a broken vessel, but a broken vessel that God sees fit for His purposes. Though I do not understand how or why, I am utterly grateful that He isn't done with me, that He didn't leave me to sit in the dust.
Thank you, friends, for your prayer and support this year. I ask it of you again and pray God would richly bless you because of it. Happy New Year!!
