Father

This past week, I have been overwhelmed with what it means to be a child of God. 

Charles Spurgeon said, "God's people are doubly His children. They are His offspring by creation, and they are His sons by adoption in Christ." What a beautiful truth, that we should be called the sons of God not only because it is His breath that gives us life, but also because it is His sons blood that paid the bride price. Just as in marriage, we have been given a new name and our groom is building a home eternal. The beauty is that only our groom's father will know when the house is complete, and he isn't just the father in law, he is the one being who knows our every thought, every step, every heart beat. How glorious this house must be!

I live with 62 children who are radically loved and desired by this same God. They are twice the child of a perfect Father, and though they may not have earthly parents yet, they have been chosen two times by the giver of all good things, the redeemer of their souls, the rescuer, the King. I live with royalty. What a beautiful image of the Kingdom on earth. 

Charles Spurgeon goes on to say, "Abba, Father! He who can say this, hath uttered better music than cherubim or seraphim can reach. There is heaven in the depth of that word—Father! There is all I can ask; all my necessities can demand; all my wishes can desire. I have all in all to all eternity when I can say, 'Father.'"

There is heaven in the depth of that word -- Father! I cannot imagine the deep joy that must be felt by God when He hears His children say his name. I cannot imagine music more beautiful than angels can make. But I do understand that last part. Everything I could ever need or ask for is found in my Father. I have everything to the full from now until eternity if I can just say Father. 

So my friends, rest in the knowledge of being twice wanted, twice chosen, twice loved. 

Rest in the knowledge that if you can just say your dad's name, you will have your all in all for all eternity. 

Trials, temptations, and troubles will arise, but when you know who your Father is, you shall never be wanting. 

There is so much I could say about this Father, so much I could say about what it means to be His, but my desire today is that we just dwell with our Abba and smile with Him, knowing that we are His forever. 

Constant

Life at Beautiful Gate is anything but constant. Each day is a roller coaster of activity and emotions. 

Some days it is so easy to find the joy in life here: in the giggle of a child, a baby standing for the first time, playing in kiddie pools, praising Jesus at the top of our lungs...

Other days it is much more difficult. You feel defeated, unworthy, unequiped. Kids won't stop pulling your hair, the baby just keeps crying, you get thrown up on...

But what I have realized in my twelve days here is that, no matter how my day is going, The Lord is always drawing me in and saying, "Gracie, stay here beside me."

Psalm 92 says, "It is good to give thanks to The Lord."

1 Thessalonians says, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Now, Psalm 92 doesn't say, "It is easy to give thanks to The Lord," and 1 Thessalonians doesn't say, "Give thanks for all circumstances." But rather it is good to give thanks through all that we endure, for in this life we will have trouble, but God is so much bigger than that.

So give thanks in all things, not because it was all good or all from God, but because God is good and and he is there in it all.

Life at Beautiful Gate may not be constant, but I rejoice in saying that I am walking along this path with the God of unfailing, steadfast, and constant love, hope, and joy.

Here at Last

With heavy eyes, heavy bags, and very tired bodies, we rolled onto campus around midnight on Friday. 

After disappointing setbacks and a few boring days trapped in Michigan with all the snow, we finally made it. 

My first two days were spent relaxing and recovering from jet lag, meeting kids and housemothers, and simply taking it all in. I went to church with Brian and Anita and was so encouraged by it. Their theme for the year is to be difference makers, and I was reminded in the midst of my fears that God is not looking for perfect people. He is looking for people who know they are not perfect but are willing to do a perfect job. Many doubts have crept in...feelings of inadequacy mostly. But to be reminded of the omnipotence of God was so refreshing. He planned this long before I could ever imagine it, and he made it just right. 

This morning I met the administrative staff and joined them for devotions. We read about Abraham sacrificing Isaac and were struck again by his great faith and trust. Genesis 22:5 exemplifies it best when Abraham says to his servant, "You wait here. The boy and I are going there to worship, and then we will come back to you."  Even then he knew God must have had another plan. He took Him at His word and knew he was to become a great nation. My roommate Christina (or Terp as we lovingly call her) said that life is like a dance with God. We need to trust that he know what he is doing, and we must let him lead. If we don't, we end up stepping on each other's feet and instead of becoming a thing of grace, beauty, and celebration, it becomes messy, chaotic, and ugly. These next six months are bound to have difficult dances in them, and I don't think I am always going to want to go where He leads, but how good it is to start this journey with that image and goal of obedience in mind. 

Today I was assigned to Pula 1, one of the five baby houses. I met my housemothers, started getting to know my kids, and began the work that will be my life for these six months. It was overwhelming at first. There are a lot of kids, a lot of names I cannot say or remember, and just a lot to take in, but it was good. My heart has already begun melting for those little ones. They love without any hesitation. Though we cannot speak well to each other and we don't even know each other's names, they were so excited to hold my hand, sit in my lap, put their arms up to be held, and give me spitty kisses on the cheek. (The first child I met on Saturday was so excited that she immediately wanted to be held, and then proceeded to pee on me. Initiation is complete.) Everyone has been so welcoming, so joyous. The children are beautiful and happy. Their laughter is like the brilliance of sunshine. It warms your very soul. 

Thank you all who are praying. I am so touched by the support I have been given. My hope is to write once or twice a week. 

With much love...

Here We Go!

Well, this is it. My countdown is now to the hour.

I am ready. I really am. But that doesn't make leaving the one's you love any easier. I have always heard and believed it to be true, that if saying goodbye is hard, it means you are saying goodbye to something really good. Something worth coming back to. I am so blessed by the great cloud of witnesses I have supporting me in the States. It is so comforting to know that people want to be a part of what God has called me to. 

I can't wait to see how The Lord works. I know His ways are immeasurably higher than my ways, and though that really scares me, it really excites me too. I have real fears, real doubts, but God has proven Himself faithful.

We sang the song "Oceans" today in church, and the words rang so true that faith may fail, and fear does surround me, but God has never failed and He won't start now. What a beautiful promise.

So I'm going in faith. I'm going with trust. All I know about my life is that I'm leaving tomorrow. 

But that is so good. This journey is no doubt an adventure with my Savior and I wouldn't want to be doing it with anyone else.

Prayers for travel would be much appreciated. The winter weather is not in our favor...

Much love,

Grace Marie

One Week

In seven days, I will be on my way to Beautiful Gate.

My suitcases are filling up, goodbyes are being said. It's real now.

It's a weird reality at this point. I have been longing to go to Beautiful Gate since I was 12, and I have been preparing for this for such a long time. And yet, as much as I feel ready, I don't really know what I am ready for. There is no telling of what will meet me in Lesotho. I'm sure my heart will be broken and I will grow and be stretched in ways unimaginable, but there isn't much that is concrete. All that I know about my life and my future right now is that I am going. Beyond that, I have no clue. In part, that is really really exciting. But it also comes with it's uncertainties. I cannot wait to see the Lord's story unfold in my life, but at the same time I wish I could see a little further down the road. I trust that His will is perfect and beautiful, but my humanness wants to plan and have a safety net. I suppose I will have to learn to surrender that one...

Thank you to everyone who has supported me, whether in word, prayer, or financial contribution. I am blessed to say that my trip is fully funded! I knew God was generous and faithful and trustworthy, but I am truly blown away by how He has used people from so many circles of my life to get me to this point. I am humbled and comforted to know that this is not my trip, but this is something that God planned long ago and has always had in the palm of His hand. 

Excitement is building, and though there are moments of doubt, anxiety, and sadness, I know this is what God would desire for this time in my life. I would love prayers for strength, peace, courage, and of course travelling safety. This week will go fast and is bound to be a whirlwind of emotions, so prayers are much appreciated.

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. (Hebrews 13:20–21)

Be Still

We tiptoed through the snowy pavement and quickly slunk down deep into the hot tub. As our toes thawed and our bodies relaxed, we talked about a million different things. 

We talked about how school was going for her, how work was going for me. We talked about the trip, my excitement and fears.

I told her I was starting to get anxious, that I haven't been sleeping as well. I couldn't put words to it all, but as the realization of only one month left at home became more real, my heart began to ache at the thought of saying goodbye.

The jets turned off, and we were left with an uncomfortable quiet. Just before she went to turn them back on, I told her, "Wait. Just embrace the silence for a second."

That second turned into 15 minutes of the deepest calm I have ever experienced. It was as if I was looking into a movie set, a live picture that wasn't actually the real world. Huge snowflakes floated down without a sound, and the streetlight from the park softly lit the towering pinetree in the backyard. There was nothing to be heard, not even my own breath. The silence flooded my ears, flooded my soul. And my mind kept going back to one thing, "Be still and know that I am God." My heartbeat slowed, my eyes closed, and there was a hush that can only be compared to the world's sigh of relief. 

The soft noise of wheels on wet pavement reminded me that time hadn't stopped, that life was continuing beyond that backyard. I opened my eyes to see that the snowflakes had become even larger and fell at a slow-motion pace. I gently rocked back and forth in the warm water and watched the steam meet the snowflakes, shrinking them down until they disappeared.

We are often told to sit in silence and listen for God. We are often told to be still. My attempts have never been very successful. My mind turns too fast and there are too many distractions.

But this time, God chose the moment. He provided the calm. It wasn't something I could have created myself, and it wasn't a moment of epiphany either. But what it did do was quiet my soul. Like Psalm 131 says, "Oh Lord, my heart is not proud. My eyes are not haughty. I do not concern myself with matters too great or too marvelous for me. But, I have quieted and calmed my soul. Like a weened child with its mother, like a weened child is my soul within me. Oh beloved, put your hope in The Lord, both now and forevermore."

He erased my fears. He melted away my anxiousness. 

I have 30 days left in Holland. I know it is going to go way faster than I want. But The Lord is good, and The Lord is sovereign. He satisfies me in the morning with His unfailing love, and He calms and quiets my soul. I cannot wait to see how He continues to work and move in my heart throughout these next 6 months.

"For The Lord is good, and His love endures forever."

Why I'm Not Going to College

In my decision making process in high school, I wrestled a lot with knowing what God's will was.

The world says I need to go to college to have a degree to have a job to have security. I heard countless scenarios of why I need to go to college... 

"You will be more hireable if you have a degree." 

"You will get paid more with a degree." 

"Even if you just want to be a mom, your husband might die and you will need to support yourself." 

"You will be more qualified." 

Everything. I just heard everything.

And from the world's perspective, they were all right. I should go to college. That's the next best step after high school. But something kept telling me they were wrong. I tried to satisfy both sides; I thought about doing YWAM, a six month missions school. I thought about going to Moody for missions. I looked into a lot of things that would satisfy both the world's desires and my heart's deepest desires, but it still didn't sit quite right with me.

Every argument for me (me, not necessarily everyone else) going to college came down to having money. More money for a more comfortable, secure life. It all had to fit into an American box that is padded and air conditioned. But what I read today struck a heartstring and put to words what I couldn't express.

“But then I realize there is never going to come a day when I stand before God and he looks at me and says, ‘I wish you would have kept more for yourself.’ I’m confident that God will take care of me.”

Now, this was in the context of materialism and the story of the young rich man in the Bible, but nonetheless, it rings true to my heart.

I want to serve The Lord. I don't know what that is going to look like 10 years down the road or even 1 year down the road, but that is my desire. I don't really want a 9-5 job. I don't want to have to squeeze God into my field, I want the spreading of His kingdom to be my field. I doubt that God will be disappointed that I didn't get a higher degree, or a degree at all if that's what it comes to.

I might end up in college. There are some things you have to go to college for, like being a teacher, doctor, nurse, pilot, etc. but I will not be going to college for material gain, for worldly success, for earthly comfort or security. No, that is far from my goal. If I go, it will be for the advancement of His kingdom.

To my friends in college, study hard. Be a kingdom of priests, holy and set apart that those around you might see very clearly that you are working for something greater than yourselves.

To my friends looking into college, pray a lot. God could be calling you to something far greater than that padded, air conditioned box. And He can definitely use college as a part of His grand plan, but it is also very possible that He might not. So pray about it.

To my friends far beyond college, continue to look at your life and ask yourself what you are doing. Are you comfortable? Comfortable to a fault? Is your heart aching for something bigger? Your padded box may be really great, in fact I am sure it is, but does it really matter? Does your life truly look any different than your unbelieving neighbor?

Don't wait to follow God. Don't try to fit your life into that padded box, because chances are, God's plans are infinitely bigger than what would ever fit into the box. And shoots, that can be scary because it might be really hard and uncomfortable, but guys. If it is God's huge box you are living in, I promise it will be the most beautiful, fulfilling, rewarding life you could ever imagine. 

Our sermon Sunday morning really hit home with me as well. John talked about treasures in heaven and said, "Whatever you give to Christ, whether that is your time, money, resources, energy...Whatever you give to Him is immediately touched with immortality; it stretches into eternity." Friends this world is not our home. Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us that God has set eternity in the heart of man. Heaven is where we belong. Heaven is where our true citizenship lies. So don't be afraid to live that way! This world has nothing to offer you. You don't have to satisfy the world's desires. So whatever you do, may it be for what lies beyond this sin-ridden place.

Trust Him. His box may seem more daunting, but what safer place to be than in the center of His perfect will?